Destined for Twins

On March 27 2020 we found out we were pregnant. On April 27 we found out we were having fraternal twins. We were so so happy and a little bit surprised as well. ⁠

My sister has fraternal twins and I am a nanny who has looked after 11 sets of twins. We felt like we were destined to have twins. ⁠

Everything was going very well in my pregnancy until July 5 when I bled a little bit. I went to my doctor on July 6 and he sent me for an ultrasound. ⁠

I thought everything was fine at the ultrasound until a doctor came in and told me that there was no fluid around Lily and that they think my water broke at 18 weeks. ⁠

I was then sent to the hospital and they did some tests to verify that my water broke but the tests came back negative. ⁠

I was admitted overnight as they thought I might go into labour. It was what I thought at the time the worst night of my life. I couldn’t sleep and I cried all night thinking I was going to lose my babies. ⁠

Nothing happened and so they sent me home the next day and told me to come back if I experienced cramps or contractions, or developed any signs of infection. With prom( preterm premature rupture of membrane) infection is what they were most worried about. ⁠

I had no measurable fluid around Lily for the next 31 days but she kept growing and her and Paxton stayed inside for 31 stressful, worrisome days. ⁠

I stopped working, didn’t lift anything heavy, did some bed rest, drank lots of water and did everything in my power to keep them inside me.

On august 4 I wasn’t feeling good so I checked my temperature and I didn’t have a fever but my temperature was higher than it normally was so I went to the hospital and they admitted me right away at 8pm.

They did blood work and my white blood cell count came back at 25 when they told me it should be 12 to 14. I had an infection in Lily’s placenta.

They hooked me up to an IV and gave me antibiotics. Around 1pm I started getting cramps in my stomach and they continued for hours and then around 5pm I was in so much pain they examined me and told me I was going into labour.

I was completely heartbroken. I was 22 weeks and 4 days. They told me they hoped that after I delivered Lily that my labour might stop and I might keep Paxton in for longer.

At 8:53 am I delivered Lily who was born still born and at 9:29 am I delivered Paxton. He was alive for 2 minutes and then he died.

To say we were heartbroken is a understatement. We spent the next 24 hours with our babies at the hospital. We took pictures and spent time holding them. They slept next to me in the bassinet that night.

I am forever grateful that we had the time with them before we had to leave them. I will always have the memories with them and all the pictures we took.

They will forever be in our hearts. This is the hardest thing my husband and I have been through. I didn’t think that when we went to the hospital on August 4 that I would deliver our babies the next day and then have to deal with planning their funeral.

This is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. We are going through our grieving process and we are surviving this. We are stronger than we know and we will make it through. We are hopeful for our future and our sweet Lily and Paxton will forever be with us.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, and for sharing little Lilly and Paxton. #Sharingmystoryofloss

Strength💜Support💜Together💜⁠

☎️ call or text 📱 the Pregnancy Loss Support Line for immediate, anonymous support 1-888-910-1551⁠

every story matters

The Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Centre is a non-profit registered charity that helps families connect to support on their path to healing after pregnancy or infant loss.  Families like yours can work with us and get support with a variety of services that hold space for your unique story. No matter at what stage of your parenthood journey you find yourself, your story will be heard here.

If you are ready to share your story, or you need help with your journey, get in touch with us.

For more stories like this, visit our Stories of Loss page
or visit #sharingmystoryofloss on Instagram

Book with Erin Winters

In order to book with Erin, please connect directly with our Program Assistant, Shelagh via email at shelagh@pilsc.org

NOTE: Refrain from providing detailed personal information when emailing Shelagh. Feel free to describe your challenges in brief, and leave out personal details that you only wish to share with Erin.

Shelagh

Shelagh (she/her) brings with her a solid background as an admin in a variety of areas from business, academia and now with a charitable organization with the Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Center. She feels passionate about working in a role that benefits others in the community.

Shelagh was exposed to bereavement and deep grief at an early age and it left her with a profound sense of how fragile life is and how we need to find joy and light wherever we can. She feels privileged to be able to take this sense with her into her role with PILSC while putting her strong admin skills to good use.