Journaling for Jaden

My name is Oneisha P. Lewis. My beautiful son, Jaden, was due September 14th, 2021. The most significant day for me as it is a month before my birthday and a day before my brother’s. I found out that I was pregnant on January 13th, 2021. I was so excited to be a mom that I had immediately created a journal for my son noting down my experiences, my mindset, professing my love for him and advice for the future.

I was extremely nauseous with him and ended up being unable to write to him as much I thought I would be able to instead, I always spoke to him, always played music for him, gave him sweet mommy and son self-care days and prayed with him daily. Officially 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant on April 6th, 2021, I started to feel a very intense pain and called my doctor shortly after and his response was that the baby was growing. April 7th, 2021, I noticed a large amount of blood and made the decision to go to a different hospital for a second opinion. My boyfriend couldn’t join me at that moment because of the COVID-19 restrictions. Finally, I was seen and I heard my baby’s heartbeat, as sweet and strong as ever. A few moments later, an ultrasound was done and the doctor explained that my cervix had ruptured and I would have to give birth to the baby as the membrane was open, the baby would start to lose blood and oxygen. The doctor even explained to me that if the baby was to stay inside, I could end up infected by the fluids of the membrane and end up losing my own life.

I was induced on April 8th, 2021 and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy whom we named, Jaden, at 2:32 pm. He had a smile on his face. He looked like an angel. He passed away on my boyfriend’s brother’s birthday. As soon as I got home from the hospital, I decorated the box that the nurse had given me with his belongings and created a memorial spot in what would have been his room. I also wrote in the journal that I had created for him when I found out that I was pregnant and challenged myself to write to Jaden for 90 days and I called it “90 Days Of Healing”, it was so powerful that I turned it into a book and published it on his Heavenly birthday, September 14th, 2021. To this day, it is still so painful but I have learnt to use my pain and turn it into something powerful because people need to know who Jaden’s mama is.

every story matters

The Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Centre is a non-profit registered charity that helps families connect to support on their path to healing after pregnancy or infant loss.  Families like yours can work with us and get support with a variety of services that hold space for your unique story. No matter at what stage of your parenthood journey you find yourself, your story will be heard here.

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