September 2009, I was surprised and excited to find out that I was unexpectedly pregnant…
December 7th, I went for my 18 week ultrasound, the technician said that they suspect a problem with the baby’s heart.
December 8th, my Dr’s office called and asked me to come in right away. They said that they believe the baby’s heart is not developing properly and referred our case urgently to the Fetal Medicine Clinic
December 16th, we were given the news, the left side of the baby’s heart was seriously under-developed as a result of a congenital heart defect known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.
Our options:
1) have the baby and then, if it was strong enough, it would have a minimum of three surgeries and would eventually require a heart transplant.
2) have the baby and opt for compassionate care,
or …
3) to end the pregnancy…. and let the baby go now.
This was, undeniably, one of the most difficult decisions of my life. In the same breath, both my family and I came to a decision to go with option #3.
It was terrifying and devastating, but I believe that it was best for the little one and best for us.
I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces as we waited for a call from the hospital to say that they had a bed for me. The waiting was excruciating.
December 24th, I managed to get in touch with the labour and delivery ward, the nurse told me that she did not think that I would get in before Christmas, she did not want to have me come in on Christmas Day, She said to go and spend Christmas with family and friends and to call on the 26th.
December 25th, Christmas was strange but good. It was not easy to keep a smile on my face, and the 15 or so at dinner knew what was going on – a huge elephant in the room. Nobody could or wanted to speak about what was about to happen. There were children at the dinner who wanted to play and I did my best to entertain them, but all the while my heart was with my unborn, and very sick, baby.
December 26th, I got the call to go to the hospital.
It was the longest one hour drive I have ever made. It was as if time had slowed down, and I felt like I was outside myself.
The doctor came in, explained the process and we got the induction started. Throughout that night and into the next day, it seemed that I was making little progress with labour, they decided to start me on a drip to speed things along. I had always said that I did not want an epidural, but when that pain started, my nurse encouraged me to consider one – why make something so horribly painful even worse by adding physical pain? I agreed.
December 27th, 5:40p.m, I delivered a baby boy that I later named Malyn, which means Little Warrior. At 395 grams and 24.5 cms, he appeared perfectly healthy in every way. Completely viable in the womb but not on the outside.
We are dedicated to supporting individuals of all faiths, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and gender identities. In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.