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Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Centre

Pregnancy & Infant Loss

Support Centre

Little Warrior

September 2009, I was surprised and excited to find out that I was unexpectedly pregnant… ⁠

December 7th, I went for my 18 week ultrasound, the technician said that they suspect a problem with the baby’s heart. ⁠

December 8th, my Dr’s office called and asked me to come in right away. They said that they believe the baby’s heart is not developing properly and referred our case urgently to the Fetal Medicine Clinic⁠

December 16th, we were given the news, the left side of the baby’s heart was seriously under-developed as a result of a congenital heart defect known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.⁠

Our options: ⁠
1) have the baby and then, if it was strong enough, it would have a minimum of three surgeries and would eventually require a heart transplant. ⁠
2) have the baby and opt for compassionate care, ⁠

or …⁠

3) to end the pregnancy…. and let the baby go now.⁠

This was, undeniably, one of the most difficult decisions of my life. In the same breath, both my family and I came to a decision⁠ to go with option #3. ⁠

It was terrifying and devastating, but I believe that it was best for the little one and best for us. ⁠

I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces as we waited for a call from the hospital to say that they had a bed for me. The waiting was excruciating. ⁠

December 24th, I managed to get in touch with the labour and delivery ward, the nurse told me that she did not think that I would get in before Christmas, she did not want to have me come in on Christmas Day, She said to go and spend Christmas with family and friends and to call on the 26th.⁠

December 25th, Christmas was strange but good. It was not easy to keep a smile on my face, and the 15 or so at dinner knew what was going on – a huge elephant in the room. Nobody could or wanted to speak about what was about to happen. There were children at the dinner who wanted to play and I did my best to entertain them, but all the while my heart was with my unborn, and very sick, baby.⁠

December 26th, I got the call to go to the hospital.

It was the longest one hour drive I have ever made. It was as if time had slowed down, and I felt like I was outside myself.

The doctor came in, explained the process and we got the induction started. Throughout that night and into the next day, it seemed that I was making little progress with labour, they decided to start me on a drip to speed things along. I had always said that I did not want an epidural, but when that pain started, my nurse encouraged me to consider one – why make something so horribly painful even worse by adding physical pain? I agreed.

December 27th, 5:40p.m, I delivered a baby boy that I later named Malyn, which means Little Warrior. At 395 grams and 24.5 cms, he appeared perfectly healthy in every way. Completely viable in the womb but not on the outside.

every story matters

The Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Centre is a non-profit registered charity that helps families connect to support on their path to healing after pregnancy or infant loss.  Families like yours can work with us and get support with a variety of services that hold space for your unique story. No matter at what stage of your parenthood journey you find yourself, your story will be heard here.

If you are ready to share your story, or you need help with your journey, get in touch with us.

For more stories like this, visit our Stories of Loss page
or visit #sharingmystoryofloss on Instagram

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50/50 Raffle

As part of our June 25th Run/Walk Sunday June 25, 2023 we are holding a 50/50 Raffle! Participating in this Raffle is open to everyone in Alberta. 

This is the perfect way to participate if you can’t attend the run/walk in person.

Want to join our Run/Walk? Visit this page

Book with Erin Winters

In order to book with Erin, please contact us at info@pilsc.org

NOTE: Refrain from providing detailed personal information when emailing us. Feel free to describe your challenges in brief, and leave out personal details that you only wish to share with Erin.