I thought I was really lucky. I thought I was blessed. One in three never crossed my mind once I already had my babies, of course, I thought about losing them when they are growing inside. Never did it cross my mind that my third beautiful baby boy would die.

Archie’s pregnancy started with a bang. We found out he was in there while I was being hooked up to machines to help my lungs and organs from shutting down. The flu almost took me out, along with a very severe asthma attack. On day 5 they confirmed pregnancy. Day 8 I left the hospital excited and ready to be home.

My Archie pregnancy was difficult. I was in and out of hospital for my lungs and then finally for a very high-risk pregnancy. I was mostly bedridden and just ready to meet my final baby boy! My book end baby.

Archie was born on August 12th, 2019 just before lunchtime. He had round chubby cheeks and looked so much like his big brothers. After a few days’ stay, we brought him home and our family felt complete.

We spent those 11 months getting comfortable with having three wild boys. Covid made us stay home and cuddle lots. So that’s what we did! We loved on each other. Archie celebrated every holiday, many family birthdays and got to experience an immense amount of love. He hit every milestone and was a big chunky happy boy. Bringing so much light to us.

Sadly, two days before Archie turned 11 months old, he passed suddenly and unexpectedly in his sleep from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). The worst day of my life. A day I never knew would come. A day no one is ever prepared for. A day that should have never come.

People often think that we can “just have another baby.” I can tell you that nothing in this world will replace my boy, my beautiful blue-eyed, red-headed bubba, even if we could have another child. Because he was my third and last baby, we decided to have my tubes tied. At the time it was the right decision for our family.

I miss you, Archie. With my whole soul. I will spend the rest of my life looking for moments of you.